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Please... just shoot me now... ugh i cant fucking sleep... just make it stop hurting... i donno what to do anymore... im just so fucking lost... i know i should explain more... its just relationship problems and friend problems... i feel like everything is falling apart... i was fine again for a little bit but im not sure if things can be fixed or not... i donno ill give it sometime and see how i feel... im sure none of this makes sense ...id expalin more but not sure if i can or not... whatever FUCK IT!! me gonna try to sleep agin.. i doubt if it will happen soon tho
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god, i wish i wasn't such a peice of shit. i cant stand it, i really don't know anymore.. everything seems so pointless... whatever... i just really need a reason for being here or shits gonna just keep getting worse.
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God I'm so sick of shit whatever who fucking cares its all bullshit anyways and I'm just stupid whatever
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So last night was tons o' fun

we had some friends over there was 7 of us total... PAR-TAY lol kinda, and we all made homemade pizzas and watched the house bunny so that was lots of fun, then we played apples to apples with tons of hyperness lol it was great!! and colleen was the dj! lol well she kept playing songs on my laptop and asked if anyone wanted to hear anything she she might as well be called the dj lol

anyways we where sitting there and some ones like "whats parked in ur parking lot?" so we go look and theres these firetrucks and stuff and we saw thing carry something in so we where all like wtf?!?, so then brandon went downstairs to "get something out of storage" and omg he came back up and he said he saw the jaws of life down there!!! and seriuosly im jsut like wtf would someone have in there apt that they would need to use that on?!?! maybe they just thought they would need it then didnt?!?!? but brandon said that they where like cleaning up cuz you could hear the vaccum they brought in and there was all this dust, so now i just really want to know, it kinda kept me up for a bit last night ugh i donno i just think thats really scary i donno anyways.

So yesterday moring i ended up getting the wii fit... so not planned we where at walmart and brandon saw this worker carrying one so we went over to electronics and ended up getting the last one and damn my abs are sore i hope i keep this up so i can get some sexy abs lol

oh and i fogot to put this in my last post brandon got me this early xmas preasent its this huge ass mirror (ive wanted a full body mirror for a while cuz it sucks having to stand on a chair to see you whole outfit and even then it dosent really work cuz i gotta bend over) and its like solid wood!! he said its normaily like $300 or $400 but since it has a crack in the corner and part of the wood is chipped a lil he got it for $50 so he figured if i wanted it i could have it if not he would sell it for profit, i really wanna keep it but im not sure where to put it yet so yea.

so that reminds me brandon finally did my xmas shopping today and i had to hid in the bedroom while he wraped my xmas preasents so no i cant wait  gosh and i should see amber for xmas so that will make me happy=D!!! i really hope it happens i really miss her if i go down and cant see her this time i swear yea it wont be good, then i should be going to a party for nye  (drink it up) & then our firend spencer is having a party/get together at his place on the 3rd where we can all open each others presents im so excited!!!, i hope peeps will like what i got em... will peace ill ttyl later now its like im talking to a person insted of writing a journal lol peace!
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Ok so ive been meaning to write for a week or so, so ill probaly either forget shit or ramble alot but anyways here i go

well first thing i can think of is i called my mom the other week and she was telling me how i guess my lil brother harlan's foot is all swollen and purple and it hurts and the pain is going up in to his leg!! and the nurse wanted him to go to the doc (hes had this for like 9 days) but my dad wouldnt take him!!! he said that it got better the came back but my mom thinks he jsut said that so she wouldnt worry, ugh i wanted to bitch at him so bad!! I finaly got his cell# but i doubt he will ever have it on....whatever ...anyways since that day happened my dad took him to the doc but didnt call my mom to tell her whats going on, ugh oh well ill find out eventually.

God I cant belive its almsot xmas we still have like 6 peeps to shop for, our shopping list was really big this year and we have no idea what to get anyone, weve spent so much time wandering around stores its not even funny!!, i got my bro and my dad something but was starting to wonder if they will even be in town for xmas, well if there not ill just have my mom give them to them oh well... i would really like to see my bro tho god i mean hes growing up and hes like the same height as me and stuff its so crazy when peeps grow up it scares me lol.

Oh and school well we where suppose to get this project done by the 17th (brandons b-day) but it was in-fuckng-possible i dont know we just hit so many roadbloacks so sorry peeps im not graduating jan 23rd as planned god i feel like a tard.... but i still get to see amber!!! i love when she visits....noone else ever comes down here we always have to come to green bay i mean i know we are the ones that moved but i donno wutever

Oh and yesterday at work was soooooooooo awesome so i finshed this project for the sales peeps and i put it on shannon (one of the sales guys computers) and he was looking at it and was like "this is awsome"... "omg tim come look at this you gotta see it" & " WOW this so much better then what we have now" talk about a confidance boost!! i hope hes as estatic about the one im working on now as he was about this one lol

Oh and theres someother shit im freeking out about but i dont want to write it in here ill tell a cupple of my close freinds but its not something i wanna tell the world if you knew you would understand and no its not anything bad.. oh and amber ill tell you all about it when i can

but as this post is huge im gonna go.. i jsut need to update more often

oh yea grrr i was annoyed my car milage rolled over to 60,000 like a week ago and i missed it rolling over!!!  ugh i was pissed i like watching that shit i mean it will do it again in 1,000 miles but not as much less numbers ugh oh well im such a dork well peace!!!

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 So ive starting reading all of ambers livejournal entrys starting from back in 2005 when she started it just because i want to catch up on her life and everything and i know that stuff is like 3 years old but i donno i kinda wanted to read it all becuase i want to be close to her again but any who lol as i read these entrys i feel like i have been transported back through time and that its actully the time when shes writing them its actully pretty cool but yea and then i feel like my comments may be irrelivant now but whatev lol.

so anyways today was alright i went to work and was basically the only one on that side of the building and i found out our hr lady minka finaly had her baby last night she was 10 days over due i heard someone say the name but i forgot it...anywyas i feel like i made a realy good program the last two days and i really hope greg is happy with it because i finished what i needed to get done so i jsut completely redid this program i was working on so im sure i bored you by now lol..... I was happy cuz i got my bonus today it was $538 but i have to pay school $417 and i gotta pay rent and i have a maxed out credit card and lots of xmas shopping to do lol but its better then having to do that without that extra money, this month i get 3 paychecks + my bonus so that makes 4!!!!! wow thats awsome lol.... and sunday is brandons work christmas party at some bowling ally so that should be fun and my works is monday at some fancy reastrant so that will be fun too... well peace!!
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So since this is my first entry i'm gonna talk about a few things from the last week...i could talk about more but that would just take to long..
So for thanksgiving me and Brandon went up to green bay. It was pretty fun we saw his close friend josh who is in the navey and is going to be gone for two years so that was nice i couldn't imagine not seeing a friend for that long... we went two two strip clubs they where my first strip clubs it was fun one of the strippers grabbed my boobs and this one guy told me he wanted to see me up their and stuff it was funny, and afterwards Brandon told me that the bouncer at one of them wanted me to come to amatures night that made me feel special... my friend collen said that would offend her, but it makes me feel good because it means someone other than my bf thinks im hott. Anyways it was a pretty good weekend sept i was sad cuz i ddint get to see my good friend amber that ive known since 3rd grade, i understood cuz she had this project and i know how school is its just i really thought id at least get to see her for breakfest but thats ok we plan to see eachother for xmas... but anyways i was kinda sad since i ddint get to see her and then we stoped at my moms to pick up a few things and say goodbye to the cats and they wouldnt come out!!!! so that made me even sadder!!! so then we where driving home and i realy dont rember exactly what happened brandon said someting or i annoyed him or somthing i dont really know alls i remember is i ended up crying.. but i guess thats not really a big thing because i kind of cry alot well sorta... there was more i wanted to write about but i cant realy think now so ill write more later. - peace ... gosh i think this probaly sounds like a big ramble lol 
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